Relationship Uncertainty - Taking the High Road

Many of my female clients come to me because they want to create movement in their romantic relationship. The future with their partner seems uncertain. They want to know whether to stay in the relationship or leave. In most of the cases, the man is unwilling to fully commit although there is love involved. The reason why the men are unwilling to commit is because of fear. Men tend to identify more with the world of form which is constantly in flux because of its basis in fear energy. They are often seeking some sense of safety or security which is impossible to reach when the focus is on the illusions of the material world.

The world of form is not ‘real’ and can never bring true security or safety. The only reality is the truth of Love. Most men haven’t realized this yet. Since they are focused on illusions, they may make choices from a place of fear instead of from love. Their decisions are based in creating more money or success because they mistakenly believe that these things will bring them safety, security and peace of mind. Not so. In their minds, committing to a relationship will negatively affect their search for security & safety in the material world and may even leave them vulnerable to heart break as well.

How do you navigate this situation without losing your mind? You speak your truth with love and compassion then let go. Focus on yourself and feeling good. Because the Law of Attraction brings to you what you feel, you’re ensuring that the best comes to you. Let’s see how to deal with an extreme situation. Let’s say the man you love has decided to move far away in his search of success, safety, and security. The departure date is uncertain. All that is known is that he is leaving at some point and it seems that you are being excluded from the plans. What are your options?

Well, you can start to have what are called ‘attack thoughts’. Thinking things like “If he loved me, he’d be including me in his plans”, “If he loved me, he wouldn’t be leaving.”, or “I can’t believe he’s doing this. What kind of person does this?” Or, you can take the high road and send loving thoughts. “Even though I don’t agree with his decision, I hope the best for him whether or not he and I are together because I know that according to the Laws of Giving and Receiving, I can only keep what I’m willing to give away. So, I give him away in complete trust that there will be a happy resolution to this situation or something even better will come my way.”

This mentality is not an excuse for inaction. Of course, try to resolve the situation to the best of your ability by speaking from a place of love and compassion and seeing the other person’s point of you. A shift in perception can create a miraculous resolution to a seeming problem.

But ultimately, let go of the situation. Attachment, grasping, clinging and holding on to something that seems to be moving away from you is self-defeating. Allow space for the situation to heal or for something new to be brought in. When you practice this state of being, you are also practicing unconditional love for yourself and the other person involved. Although it seems that the other person is being, unkind, disrespectful, self-centered or whatever, you still love the person. Forgive the seeming slights and let go. It doesn’t mean you have to stay in a situation that isn’t bringing you joy and doesn’t seem to be resolving despite your efforts. You’ll need to be still and listen to inner guidance to decide whether to stay or go. I help my clients sort out their energy field and their emotions so that they can reach that place of stillness and hear the still small voice within.

When you practice a loving mindset, you ensure the best possible outcome for yourself. Plus, thinking loving and kind thoughts about others makes you feel good. And when you feel good, you’re attracting your highest best. In addition, your loving thoughts may even influence the other person’s behavior. This technique isn’t only limited to this extreme case. It can apply to any area of a relationship where fear energy has taken over. See the other person’s point of view with compassion. Practice a loving mindset. Focus on what it is you want and feels good to you. The universe has no choice but to bring to you what it is you focus on so make the decision to focus on love instead of fear.

Afraid to Fall

Yesterday, in the midst of an awkward balancing pose, my yoga teacher John said to the class, “You may be feeling shaky right now. It’s just your body. It’s afraid it’s going to fall.”

I was feeling shaky in that balancing pose. But, I had already been shaky when I stepped on to my mat. I had barely slept the night before. My mind was uncontrollable and my emotions had gotten the best of me. I definitely was not living in the present moment. I understood that his statement didn’t only apply to the physical act of falling. I realized that I was feeling shaky not because of fear of a physical fall but fear of an emotional one. I am afraid of falling in love.

I’m a casual student of Zen so I know that something must have triggered this fear in me. After some searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that Hope was the culprit. I recently joined the dating world again with no expectations and a pretty negative attitude. I expected to continue to feel nothing but I’ve actually begun to feel hopeful. I’m hopeful that love is closer to finding me than I’d previously thought. So, this hope thing triggered some fear in me. It seems that my mind and body remember the other times I’ve hoped for love and not attained. They associate hope with failure and pain now. This is why I’ve been thrown off balance.

If I’ve learned correctly, the key to resolving this issue is to go deep into the pain. I just need to sit with these feelings until they disappear completely. I’ve been hurt many times. We’ve all been hurt. We all have wounds that we’re trying to protect and in protecting those wounds from further hurt, we may inadvertently hurt others. I’ve gone through the process of forgiveness and have forgiven most of those who have hurt me knowing that the pain inflicted was always about them and never really about me. I’ve yet though to forgive myself for the role I played in the hurts of the past. It’s time to work on that now.

I believe that people come into our lives as teachers. They act as mirrors to show us what we need to change or let go of in order to find the peace we all desire. I also believe that we all have soul mates - not just one, but many who are here to help us achieve our highest potential. Some of them are romantic soul mates and others are platonic. I’m hopeful that I will find one of my romantic soul mates sooner than I think. I’m looking forward to an enlightened relationship centered in trust, compassion and freedom. Despite the fear of falling, I’m staying open to possibilities. I’ll try my best to not color the present moment with the sins of the past or project into the future. It may be challenging at times, but that’s why I’m here – to learn and to be challenged.